


Aqun-Athlok

by FlitShadowflame



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bull believes in the gender binary and Dorian doesn't know what to think he just knows he's a dude, Dorian Has Self-Esteem Issues, Gender Roles, M/M, implied underage noncon/dubcon, nasty little bullies, trans and what it isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6916792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlitShadowflame/pseuds/FlitShadowflame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a <a href="http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/15060.html?thread=58807252#t58807252">kink meme prompt</a>, briefly:</p>
<p>"Iron Bull/Dorian - Misgendering - Iron Bull accidentally tells Dorian that Qunari see him as a woman"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aqun-Athlok

**Author's Note:**

> Triggering content: Dorian talks about being mercilessly, relentlessly bullied, including being molested/raped while still very much underage. Also, misgendering, which can be extremely hard on a kid regardless of whether they're cis or trans, and even for a reasonably well-adapted adult can be pretty upsetting. Dorian is not particularly well-adapted, it should be noted.

When it comes up first, it's obviously not about him. He and the Bull aren't even "something" yet. The Inquisitor is repeating Bull's explanation of Aqun-Athlok, exclaiming that she'd never heard of anything that described people like her, like Krem.

Dorian had been happy for her. But something about the explanation stuck with him, struck him oddly. The "roles" involved...what did they have to do with gender, anyway?

It happened again not long after he began seeing Bull, this time in reference to Cassandra - hardly the most feminine woman Dorian had ever known, she openly hated dresses and enjoyed fighting. But that didn't make her a man. It made her a very pragmatic warrior. She was not without femininity: she kept her hair in a neat style without adornment, but didn't just cut it all off like Krem or Sera. She even wore a little rouge or other cosmetics, at times. She never indicated any desire to be male, and seemed disgusted by their poor hygiene and manners as often as Dorian - well, as Vivienne was.

Gender was not all one thing or another; Dorian knew that. Tevinter's exacting standards for beauty and hygiene in both genders well surpassed that of noblewomen in the south. Some pursuits, like the army, remained male-only, but women could do just about any trade in Tevinter, per their class. Still, people drew lines as though nothing existed but one or the other, nevermind that no single man or woman met every criterion for epitomizing their sex.

Cassandra's not-quite offense, not-quite acceptance of Bull's remark got Dorian thinking, but as usual, his issue ultimately was with the Bull trying to define _him_.

All he'd asked was what scholars were like, under the Qun.

"Most academics are tamassrans, the priestesses and teachers. There's a lot of ethical research, treatises on educational techniques, that sort of thing. Arvaraads and Saarebas study magic, Ben-Hassrath study the culture and environment they're assigned to. Tamas also keep track of the breeding program, so they know a lot about the history of individual Qunari achievements. If you weren't a mage, you'd probably be a tamassran."

Dorian's face did not twitch, but behind his eyes he was screaming. "Wouldn't that require me to be female?" he asked, tone unchanged.

"Well, you're obviously aqun-athlok," Bull shrugged, as if this comment was a repetition of acknowledged fact.

"Oh _really,_ " Dorian said, lips thinning. "Out of curiosity, when did you decide I was a woman?"

Bull raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding why Dorian's ire was flaring up. "Well, mages can be men or women, but you're just...I mean, Vivienne is obviously a tamassran, it just took me a little longer to figure you and Solas out. Solas is saarebas through and through, magic defines him completely. It informs your nature, but it doesn't encompass it. You're a scholar, yes, but also a teacher. Not a gentle, coddling one, but you hate leaving ignorance where you find it. You just can't figure out what to teach people _first_."

If Dorian weren't so incredibly pissed off, he might have been flattered. People tended to interpret his lectures as arrogance, but of course Bull would see through him...and then bollocks up something else Dorian hadn't even considered.

"Well allow me to educate you in something, the Iron Bull. Segregating jobs by gender is wrongheaded and sexist, and incidentally? Whether Krem was a soldier, a tailor, or a teacher, he would _still_ be a man. Please allow people the modicum of respect required to trust they know their own natures best. Gender has less to do with trappings and status than it does the heart and mind. It is internal, sometimes secret, but never incorrect. And if you can't wrap your thick head around the fact that I'm a man, I'm going to find out how conductive Qunari horns are." He set his book aside and stalked off irritably.

It took several attempts to talk through Dorian's door, two rejected overtures of gifts (cookies were not adequate, nor Bull's first offer of wine, but chocolates and a sweet, tangy red got him in the door) and a humble apology or five before Dorian allowed him near enough to touch and climbed into his lap only to cry into Bull's chest.

"I was raised to believe I was _special_. The smartest, the best mage, the brightest wit, everything. The best possible option for Archon - for the Imperium, for Thedas. I was also raised in near-total isolation. No children, just tutors and the occasional visit from my parents. I thought going to the Circle was a reward; they - my parents were very pleased by my early acceptance. I thought I could make friends there, perhaps, if they were worthy of me. I was ten, fully two years younger than anyone else in the Carastes Circle.

"The first thing the other students did was go through my things. They burned a comfort toy, and the blanket I'd had since I was an infant. They stole any valuables or snacks, and they demanded that the books I'd brought be kept in the dorm's bookcase. Once they dispensed with my material possessions, they started in on my appearance. Baby Pavus. Dorabella. Whatever name they thought would humiliate me most. I didn't understand half of them until later, but they were said with such vitriol I cringed away from each nonetheless.

"The feminizing nicknames only increased as I got older. I take after my mother, who was a great beauty in her prime. It made me a very _pretty_ child, with long, black hair I was forbidden to cut. I was moved from Circle to Circle for various reasons, but they were all the same root cause. Pretty little Pavus was relentlessly targeted by bullies. They kept touching me, their hands lingering, their eyes leering. Contact with girls was strictly supervised, and I was rooming with boys three to five years older than me, many of them with well-developed sex drives and no outlet.

"My life in the Circles was a parade of boys who said I was close 'enough.' Girly 'enough.' Pretty 'enough.' Even then I preferred men's company, and they gave me more than _enough_ ," Dorian spat. "So I'd get caught and sent on and the cycle would repeat, until I was so disenchanted with the Circles that I started skipping classes to find drink, drugs, sex, anything to give me a moment of - " he sucked in a ragged breath. "Alexius, Gereon Alexius I mean, he found me in a whorehouse. I was never sure if he realized I was a whore myself. Not for money, just...for contact. For fondness, even of a prurient or fleeting nature. For eyes that admired instead of leered, or judged. I learned better than to say 'no,' because 'no' gets your bed pissed in and if you're lucky, you aren't in it at the time. 'No' gets you shoved into walls or down stairs. 'No' was a taunt, a tease, a lie, an enticement, incitement to more extreme activities. I stopped saying 'no' for a long time."

Bull made a low, mournful noise and held Dorian all the closer.

"Please," Dorian sobbed into his neck, clinging to Bull's arms. "I'm not, I'm _not_ a girl, please tell me you understand that."

"Kadan, I'm so sorry, I never - my love for you has nothing to do with role or gender. It never has. You know that, right? Yes, you're a man, I'm sorry Kadan, I'll do better for you."

**Author's Note:**

> If it helps anyone, Dorian got extremely vicious revenge on most of his bullies. This wasn't the sort of problem he thought he could trust an adult with, even if he was the kind to trust other people with his problems, so he "solved" them himself - he's not telling Bull that in most of the altercations at Circles, he had generally beaten the shit out of someone three or five years older and was getting transferred, officially, for that kid's safety. As far as the adults knew, Pavus was just a smarmy kid with a superiority complex, because that's what they wanted to see and because Dorian preferred they see that to letting them know the truth: that he was extremely vulnerable despite his magical prowess, and that he got his justice the only way he'd ever learned - by vanquishing his enemies as a proper Altus should.


End file.
